Sepia and Silver (Tragic Silence Book 3) Page 17

  “I know. But I couldn’t help but notice your window was very crudely shut, and it didn’t take much work to guess you had fled. So I simply smelled you out. And don’t worry; I have locked up properly after you.”

  I frowned. “You were watching for me? Why?”

  James shrugged nonchalantly. “I suppose I’m possessive,” he said, but I noticed how quickly he averted his eyes from mine, as though he didn’t want to acknowledge any more on it.

  We stood in silence for a few long moments, neither of us moving a muscle. I kept my hand firmly on the tree behind me. Then James spoke again, obviously having grown tired of waiting for me to talk.

  “So why are you here?” he asked, though gentler than I was expecting.

  I gave a defeated sigh, not seeing any point in hiding. “You were wrong. There is no way out.”

  “Ah. So as I put my neck through one noose, you’re about to do the same with another. The sacred noose.” James tucked some hair behind his ear. “Anyway, I thought you said you were going to return to your homeland.”

  “That was what I planned. But it’s impossible. This time next week, I will be wed, and I’ll never have a chance to leave.” I closed my eyes, determined not to let him see me cry again.

  “Is this all because of who the harmless is?” James said. “I told you, he has no cause to suspect.”

  “It’s not just that,” I insisted. “I... don’t want to be doing this for another moment, with you. I can’t bear seeing the light go out in their eyes.”

  “Would you rather have it go out in your own?” he responded.

  “Yes, I would!” I exclaimed. “How can I place my own life above theirs? I was once hardly higher than where they are: carting firewood in the snow, feeding chickens, working in the kitchen for hours on end. I am no better than them; and they are humans, living beings.”

  James scowled at me. “Good God, you’re the most awkward one I’ve ever had,” he muttered to himself, but I still heard it.

  “What do you mean?” I asked cagily. “What are you talking about?”

  “Forget it,” he snapped, with such clear warning, I instantly obeyed.

  Then he gave me a firm look and walked closer, each step very slow, as though he was stalking prey. My heart hammered and I pressed myself further back against the tree. He eventually stopped within arm’s length of me, eyes huge and dark in his face.

  “If you don’t carry on, you will die,” he said, softer now. “I made that clear to you.”

  “I’m going to die anyway,” I countered. “If I stay here, I won’t survive. My cousin told me. A demon can’t live outside their home country.”

  “And yet you won’t make the most of that vast fortune of yours to orchestrate a getaway?”

  “Once I’m married, it all goes to Benjamin. I’ll have nothing left.”

  “You will have yourself. Isn’t that enough, Éva?”

  Despite myself, I couldn’t help a tiny smile forming at the corner of my mouth.

  “You’re saying it properly,” I muttered. “My name. Now you pronounce it the way I asked you to.”

  “Well, as far as I’m concerned, names are important,” said James wryly. His eyes shone, alight with the subtle and hidden undercurrent to his words. Realising what they meant instantly, I let the question out of my mouth before I could think on it.

  “What is your name?”

  “James Hayes,” he said instantly.

  I shook my head. “No, it’s not. If it was, I wouldn’t be able to say it in your presence.”

  He chuckled. “Clever girl. You always continue to surprise me with what you know of our kind.”

  I fixed him with an earnest gaze. “Tell me. Please.”

  “No.”

  “Why?” I asked. “You already know what I am called, and if I were to become a full demon, you could very easily use it to bring me harm. So now be honest with me; trust me, as you have my trust. Prove that you think more of me than as just a tool.”

  James’s brows lowered in fixed intent. “Nobody knows my true name, and I will keep it that way. That fact is all the truth I will allow anyone in the world.”

  “That is your lone truth?” I said crossly. “Then what of me? Am I nothing to you, some kind of machine without feelings? All these words of telling me to play the game my way; fight to make sure I keep my innermost self intact... it was all a farce?”

  I shoved him away and strode past, not looking at him. “I no longer want anything to do with you, Sir. God knows I never truly did. Now leave me be.”

  I stormed across the grass, heading back the way I’d come, under the full cover of the sprawling trees. But then I suddenly felt an iron pressure come down on me, locking my legs together. I stumbled, only just managing to stay upright, and twisted to see over my shoulder. James was standing perfectly composed, glaring straight at me.

  “Let me go,” I barked.

  “No. Without me, you’ll end up in prison, the madhouse, or your own grave. Are those the choices you would have?” he said, tightening the invisible rope around my body. Then, as though he had given a fierce tug, I was wrenched around, so I was facing him directly. I put out my arms to help keep my balance.

  “You don’t own me,” I snapped, feeling some of my old fire coming back. “Do you think me some exotic bird to be kept in a cage?”

  “Hardly. But yet you would walk straight into a gilded cage, complete with a husband-master.” James’s expression was unreadable. “You are tossed from one household to another like an object, without your consent, without your consultation. Isn’t that just maddening?”

  I showed my teeth. “It’s barely different than you and me, then. Our turners never asked permission for anything they would do to us. And what proof do I have that I’m little more than a convenient object to you, for your own ends? You would seek to control me more than Benjamin ever would.”

  James smirked. “But there is one difference, Éva,” he said with sly triumph. “You cannot deny what you feel for me. I see a perverse yet definite affection in your eyes.”

  I froze, caught completely off guard. Swallowing hard, I went to shake my head, to deny the allegation, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Something deep inside held me even firmer than his will did – something which called to me with strength I had never dared acknowledge.

  James nodded, my reaction being all the confirmation he wanted.

  He approached me again, calm and calculating as ever. I gritted my teeth as the distance closed between us. It felt like that night months ago, when he had come to my room, coolly goading me into pulling the trigger.

  “Don’t deny it,” he said in a sleek undertone. “Respect yourself enough to admit it.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “And what will you do, should I not?”

  James shot me a smirk. “I’m an Inspector, remember? The law can play in my favour much more than it can in yours.”

  The meaning of his words instantly struck, sending incredulous panic into my blood.

  “You would turn me in? After all we have done? You would let me suffer alone for everything?”

  “Maybe not. That depends on you. Would you admit that we are not one complete entity,” replied James, “my little murderess?”

  I didn’t break eye contact with him, chewing nervously on my lip. James reached over, brushed some hair from my mouth, but I didn’t wrench away from him, and he kept his hand on my face.

  “Why won’t you release me?” I whispered. “Please, let me go. My life is with my fiancé.”

  “What is left of it, you mean?”

  “What would you have me do? Run away? I can’t do that and you know it. No amount of clever words from you or me will change what is coming. I will figure out a way to get home, if I can. But my only chance is to try it through Benjamin.”

  I paused, feeling James’s mental grip gradually fade away. Yet I stayed completely still, making no move to push him from me again. My heart beat crazily; I fou
ght not to shiver against his freezing touch.

  “I do love Benjamin,” I said. “I do.”

  James scoffed quietly. “Your spirit is lost on me. You do what you wish; believe what you want. But do it in the knowledge that I will be watching you, and you will never be strong enough to play your wits against mine.”

  “So you will forever haunt me?” I cried. “I wish to be free!”

  “Then let me haunt you, and then we may continue haunting this city together,” he said.

  “Until the day I die?” I shook my head to dislodge my chin from his grip. “What then? Will you find some other poor little fledgling like me, to help you in your dirty work? That’s what you meant before, wasn’t it, when you mentioned the others? I can’t be the only one you’ve happened across in a century. James, I cannot do this anymore.”

  The hold of will snatched me again and forced my face back up, so his black eyes burned into mine.

  “Admit it, that pompous boy will give you nothing to satisfy. You will never be able to speak honestly or tenderly to him. He is a human, and he will never understand a nature like yours. Like ours.”

  “Then what am I to do?” I asked. “How would you have me act? I have passed the point of no return. I shall be Éva Jones.”

  “Then let Éva Kálvin reign free tonight. Be what you wish, yield to yourself,” said James. His other hand appeared on my cheek, thumbs either side of my nose. “And do it with no shame.”

  I looked at him from under my lashes, not saying a word. I was sure the upper part of my dress was quivering; my heart was pounding so strongly. My fingers twisted around each other in an agitated dance. The surrounding air seemed thicker than usual, as though a heavy gas had been contained within this small space.

  I finally gave in, and leaned over a little, tentatively pressing my lips to his. They were like ice, and as firm as marble, completely unresponsive. Suddenly unsure, I drew back, feeling my cheeks warming.

  “I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  My words fell over each other like tumbling dominoes. Rationality raged within me. What was I doing? I could not be like this with him. He did mean something to me, on a strange level, but I couldn’t fool myself. I was a betrothed woman.

  But before I could turn tail and run, James snatched my biceps and kissed me hard. The gesture took my breath away. Knowing I should push him off, I placed my hands against his chest.

  “Stop,” I gasped. “I cannot... we mustn’t do this...”

  “Why?” James’s face hovered inches from mine. “Are you scared?”

  My answer was immediate. “Yes.”

  “Don’t be,” he said; voice thick and deep. “You are with me.”

  “That is precisely why I am afraid.”

  “Good. It lets you know you are alive.”

  His eyes met mine, burning into my soul. I’d never seen him look so intense. As though acting as a crescendo, the irises blazed with fire. My hands stayed where they were, but then as though of their own accord, they suddenly clutched at him, feeling the little muscular bumps of his wing-bases on his shoulders.

  I allowed myself to surrender as he pulled me in again, bringing his lips to mine. My eyes closed as his arms encased me. Then he moved his mouth onto my neck, loosening the buttons of the collar so he could reach my scar. I held tightly to his jacket as his fangs fleeted over my skin.

  He drove me back until I felt a thick tree trunk behind me, the caresses becoming more passionate with every step. I knocked his hat to the ground and seized handfuls of his hair; suddenly ravenous, like a new kind of thirst had apprehended me. I needed to satisfy it; I knew that with primal certainty.

  Desperation filled my whole body as James’s fingers swept lower. I moaned, but he silenced me with another kiss. I didn’t care anymore about anything that would come. For a few sweet moments – or however long it took – I just wanted to forget.

  CHAPTER XX

  The next week flew by in a mad haze of colour and overwhelming sunlight. Final preparations for the wedding were got underway, and I let them come and be done with, barely uttering a word. I had learned a lesson from my argument with Margaret, and she seemed to sense the change in me too.

  To try and alter my path now was foolish. I would have to keep myself under control; conform to these even higher conventions, until the moment I could make my getaway somehow. My mind ran rampant with theories. Perhaps I could convince Benjamin to let me go; we could board a steamer and return to my homeland to start a new life there.

  Nem, my rational side countered. He has no need to begin a new life when there is a colossal mining legacy to inherit here. And why should he release me? What cause or reason could I possibly give him that he may believe? To be honest about my condition... impossible. As James said, he would never understand.

  Thought of James made my heart skip a beat, and I had to fight to stop turning my head in the direction of Sefton Park. My memory flooded with intense visions, of the way he’d held me, how I hadn’t found it possible to resist.

  I had committed an awful act with him, mere nights before I would enter into the sacred union of marriage. It was something I would never have believed myself capable of. Yet I couldn’t find true cause to feed the disgrace which I knew should be raging. To be held in ardent embrace, to feel the freezing touch of his lips on mine, was something I could not shake.

  I sensed my heartstrings tightening, pulled in two directions, as though my entire ribcage threatened to split apart beneath the strain. I saw their faces before me: the well-manicured Benjamin, warm and serenading, and the raw frostiness of James, his jet eyes alight with a strange spark of adoration and threat. Neither could be more unlike the other.

  But I couldn’t deny how each called to me. In my fiancé, I definitely felt what I had always been led to believe love was: a sweet and earnest exchange that existed despite our arranged situation. However, towards my dark companion, I felt a flame of passion, which spoke only of fascinating danger. Both were equally dear to me in their own ways, and constantly pitted against each other, as though wrestling for control of my innermost being.

  I put my face in my hands. I didn’t regret what I had done with James that night. But Benjamin must never hear of it, I knew that with all the certainty in the world. It was not purely out of fear for my own self, but also for how it would devastate Benjamin’s heart.

  So I spoke nothing; complied as I was expected to, acting the part of the gentlewoman I was. I was relieved when Christine came to collect my laundry and seemed not to notice anything amiss about the dress I had worn to flee. The bottom was dark with dampness from traipsing through the grass, but then I realised that there were no other suspicious marks on the fabric.

  The level of cunning that James exercised struck me stronger than ever before. Even in the midst of our fervour, he’d still worked to leave no trace.

  I swallowed down my secret as my body was pulled into shape and hidden under a ludicrous amount of undergarments. First was the corset, then I was swathed in petticoats, before the careful application of the wedding gown itself. It was truly beautiful: a sweeping silken white thing embellished with crocheted lace, flaring out behind me in a train. Kid gloves were slipped over my hands, and doll-like shoes onto my feet.

  “Miss Éva!” Christine smiled brightly at me in the mirror as she finalised my hair. “You look magnificent! I’d say not even a princess has ever been this lovely a bride.”

  I returned her gesture with a composed grin. “Thank you.”

  “What’s the matter?” she asked, noticing my calm tone. “Aren’t you excited, like?”

  “Of course,” I replied truthfully. “I... really do like Mr Jones very much.”

  “Oh, you can’t be calling him that anymore, Miss,” said Christine. “He’ll be your ‘usband by this evening.”

  I gave a little nod. “Yes, I know.”

  She bent down so her head was resting beside mine, and the
reflections of our eyes met. She was all but shining with glee, yet I noticed a small curve of sadness at the corner of her mouth. To many, it would have been an invisible expression, on the plain face of an obedient servant. But I saw it straightaway, and frowned in concern.

  “My dear Christine, what is the matter?” I asked.

  She looked away despondently. “Oh, it’s nothin’, Miss. Don’t mind me being daft.”

  “But I do mind.” I reached up and took hold of her before she could leave my side. “Tell me, what’s wrong?”

  Christine forced a timid smile. “I hope I’m not assuming too much to say we’ve been, like, good friends. You’ve done what only one in a thousand mistresses will: you’ve shown me kindness on a level you never needed to. And I am upset now, because after today you’ll go to Weaver House, and I’ll probably never see you again.”

  I shook my head, raising a hand to her face and cupping her cheek in my palm. “Nonsense. I won’t forget you, or George. You will always be welcome in my life, no matter where I go. And I will be sure to never throw you aside. In my heart, I am closer to the life you know to the one I now lead. Please remember that.”

  Christine beamed with relief. “That’s so nice o’ you to say, Miss.”

  “And I mean every word of it. Now, come on. We can’t keep them waiting forever.”

  I turned back to the mirror, winking at her silently as she raised a decorated headband from its box. She slid it into position along my hairline; let the fine gauze veil over my face. As a final touch, I picked up the locket from my dresser, and hung it in pride of place over my breast. Then I cast one last look at my old bedchamber, attention lingering on the huge window for a moment, before going downstairs

  A special carriage was waiting for me outside, hitched to a grey horse that had been groomed until its coat shone. I took my seat inside, followed closely by Margaret and George. I had no bridesmaids, and since my grandfather was no longer here to give me away, I had chosen his valet to walk me to Benjamin’s side. It was Margaret’s idea originally, but I didn’t contradict it for a second. I thought highly of George, and in the back of my mind, it was the least I could do to make up for him being questioned over Norman’s death.